(Eggs and Biscuits. There is one mug halfway filled with warm coffee. Another, of water.)
M2 (Laughs while combing her hair with her fingers):
--So I have to be in this skit this next week in our bible camp. This is what I have to say. Well it starts--the two boys are named Lewis and Clark--Clark has just invited Lewis over to play his new football game he got for his Xbox. The game gets really close, there's a big build up. Finally, Lewis makes the winning point and he acts like a major douchebag about the whole thing. He starts yelling. And then the other one throws the controller and breaks the Xbox. I'm not sure how exactly. So then they start yelling at each other and Clark yells out ,"I hate you! You should just leave." Mrs. Smith (Now this is her queue) yells out, "Boys!" Gets their attention. She asks, "What is going on in here?" They start talking at once. Clark goes, "Lewis was acting like a big jerk when he got the final touchdown. Lewis is just jealous." Mrs Smith (Oh yes, I play Mrs. Smith) says, "Everyone relax! It's just an Xbox--it probably would have broken eventually anyway. You know (She Puts her hands on her hips. She's actually smiling now) there really is only one thing in life that can last forever and anyone and everyone can have it." Lewis says, "What's that, Mrs. smith.?" Mrs. Smith says, "It's called the Bible. and it contains all the plans and promises that God has for us. If we follow the bible, we will have eternal life!" And then one of the boys says, "Gosh, eternal life, it sounds expensive." She says, "Actually, it doesn't cost anything! All you have to do is love God and love everyone you come in contact with. It's that simple." The boys apologize to each other and then go play outside.
M1 (Laughs as his head drops backward into the couch cushion):
--WHAT!?
M2 (Giggles):
Oh, I know! Ahhh! This is not for the cat! The eggs and biscuits are not for the cat!
(The cat is sniffing the food on her plate. She pushes him away. Not actually touching the cat. It's more of a shooing away.)
M1 (To whom the eggs and cheddar biscuits look unaggressive, reticently pale and yellow):
--So weak. Cat wants his eggs. Give him his eggs!
M2 (Sillily and warped):
--Poor Puss looks Nonplussed.
M1 (Now takes on the persona of Catherine Deneuve as Carol Ledoux):
--Poor puss nonpluss-a-le-doo?
M2, an aside (French gibberish):
--Oui-a-le-doo-ahn-le-doux?
The cat licks his fiberglass sticker all over the eggs on the plate. He takes breaks and looks up at the siblings out of dubious appreciation. The apartment of the siblings is the setting for most of the play. Except for maybe the scene at the awards ceremony which will take place at Cannes film festival. Brother will read his script to his sister on the balcony of the master bedroom in the morning. What play should he be reading from? Perhaps a new play that the author will make up. The remaining eggs in the skillet on top of the stove are cold. There should be different mosaics around the apartment.
Mrs. Smith (While her appearance is Frazzled and crackly, she still exalts herself in her radiance):
--I've only got five lines. It's not like there's so much that any actress can do with this script!
M2:
--I never asked to be given the role. My boss said it might a good idea, however; so I obliged him.
Clark:
--And I'm some sort of monster!
(M1 has a clumsy hold of his mug. The kids are upset. M2 is the character charged with calumnies. Clearly, with Lewis and Clark, it's just a case of the "boys will be boys." Clark is not the monster. The writer does give away who she thinks is a monster. It's so obvious. Mrs. Smith must therefore be the recipient of this butterfingers-type of didactic mind work. The eggs look colder and more fragmented with each passing minute. Mrs. Smith is the one who takes blows and is made to be the fool, but she cannot be a monster when she has such nice hands and innocuous handling of the camp kids. Her arms flap about and know not what they do. It's all from the writer, anyway. She's the one writing in scores of scary organ work at every one of her stage entrances.)
M2 (Defensive):
--Don't put this on me! I didn't write this script.
Everyone (Together. Not exactly together, though, that would be cheap):
--If not you, then who did?
(Of course everyone knows)
(The plate on the floor is empty. And everyone is pleased to say that when they start the editing of the script, "there will be no discernible traces left of the recent occurrence of the eggs and biscuits." That dull business is to blame. Brother wants to kick Cat. Mrs. Smith tells the young boys that it is time for their bed. The siblings grow overly mettlesome, not yet decided on who will be their next monster. Mrs. Smith asks to be excused and is picked up by another camp counselor from another time. She will tell young audiences that is not okay to doze off in church or to turn your thoughts toward Sunday lunch while the preacher talks to you about reclaiming that infantile giddiness with the LORD or to think about Xboxes or girls or going to the bathroom. But she is not a monster.